Adventures in Hosting

It's 10:15 am and I have a ton of work ahead of me to get this restaurant in perfect shape. 

[phone rings twice. I pick it up]

"Thank you for calling. My name is Mo, how can I assist you?" 

[voice answers] 

"Are you serving brunch today?"

[without hesitation]

"No, ma'am only on the weekends."

[very slight pause. concerned voice continues]

"So, not today?"

[in the exact same manner as before]

"No, We only serve brunch on the weekends."

[immediately]

"Today is not the weekend? 

"We only serve brunch on Saturdays and Sundays."

"Oh..."[pause] OK.."

[silence then click]

F.U.P.A.G.B.

Today at work I had a moment that could've had a ripple effect that I may have not been prepared to accept. However, I'm in a point of life where I am owning up to my shit.

I work as a host at two different restaurants in the St Louis metropolitan area. I encounter people of all backgrounds and ethnicity. I've navigated the waters of bankers, lawyers, construction workers, police, etc relatively without any harm. I've tolerated rudeness, unnecessary senses of urgency, lack of logic and understanding, and the whole gamut whilst keeping a firm grasp on my sanity and a smile on my face.

Anyone will tell you, it takes a special kind of human to deal with the public in the service industry. I love talking and bonding with people who otherwise would have averted their eyes or their path at me on the street. (See a future blog for that tangent). I enjoy providing a good filter for my servers. I attempt to put our guests in a better mood before they encounter the rest of the establishment in hopes that good energy manifested will follow them through their experience.

Fast forward, or rewind depending upon how you wanna go about it, to earlier tonight.  We were on a wait to be seated. A trio inquired about how much longer it would be until their table was ready. They were informed it would be 10 minutes longer than they were initially told. Deciding to decline the time and leave, I was handed a pager. Upon exiting, the elder gentleman of the three, patted me on my back and in a low voice said, "you should be more nicer. " 

Before I continue to tell you my immediate response, let me explain the thoughts that were  going through my head.

At first, I wasn't sure what I had heard. Then when I realized what he in fact had mumbled just low enough, I decided to follow him at least for clarification. "Sir! Did you have something to say to me? Sir! Did you have something to say to me? Sir! Sir! I didn't think so! " I said this holding open the door hoping they would stop walking and turn around. Not only did they never stop or pause in stride, no one ever turned around to acknowledge or address me.

This infuriated me to the fullest. A: I hate passive aggressive behavior. If what you had to say to me was so important, don't you think I may have had some response? But I guess in his head he could just say what he wanted with no consequence. No one was ever going to retort.
B : how disrespectful is it to ignore someone you KNOW is calling you? C : I am tired of patrons, guests, customers thinking they can say and do ANYTHING and that the workers, businesses, service folks don't have a right to say or do anything about it. We are just like you, simply on the other side of the desk, counter or table. What you say to folks can affect them.

I thought I was nice to him. I am always careful to be polite to everyone. As a black man in America I have been groomed to be this way... even just walking down the street. BC I can be scary just being myself.

I guess I'm just fed up with taking crap from unapologetic, self righteous, intolerant, impatient people... Who happen to be white.

So fuck you, you passive aggressive bastard.

so now....

i have been in the city of angles for 3 weeks now. i haven't gone out much mostly due to me not really wanting to do so. i have traveled around some of the city and seen MANY A THINGS. i am a bit more settled as my computer has arrived. i have most of my basics so i'm doing good. my roommate is awesome, btw.

classes have been fantastic. i have been laughing and learning. it has been all i imagined it would be. the offices are on hollywood blvd which should tell you that every sunday is a funday. you never know what you'll see. i have seen a few celebrities but i have heard that's kinda the norm out here.

here are a few things i have learned in my short time here.
1: nobody blinks at the "crazies". in nyc, if a person suddenly goes/acts crazy, folks will acknowledge it and perhaps distance themselves or cast judgement by headshaking or comments. lemme site this example. i'm in a walmart standing in line for what seemed all day. a lady to my 9 o'clock, who had been standing in a waiting area near us, proceeds to sit in the "bagging area" of a closed checkout line and begins to talk aloud and seemingly argue with "something". no one blinked or was startled. no faces of disdain or comments. NOTHING. i'm thinking, "i know i'm not the only person here that sees this crazy lady." apparently i was.

2: everybody is on the hustle. i cannot tell you how many times a headnod/hello/ acknowledgment was followed with, " i got________." fill the blank with whatever you like. i can say this, i know where to get my movies, socks, phone accessories, smell goods, weed and/or new music within blocks of my house.

3: you just might wanna learn spanish. i think that's self explanatory

4: dora the explorer is real. i sat behind her last week. she was sporting an umbrella and backpack with her face on it.

5: speaking of, i also rode with jesus. not euro-jesus. but cool black dude with graying hair to his shoulders and a mean walk. so yes joan, god is one of us.

6:dogs are like smartphones. er'body got one.

that's it so far. there's probably more but they escape me. it has been fun seeing places that were mentioned in some of my favorite songs. this city is interesting and i plan to learn more.

Ok already.....

welp. it has obviously been a minute and quite a few things have transpired. i'll go through things in no particular order. i assume the folks who read this are smart and will piece it all together.

i type this from a house in los angeles. that's right, california. i'm here on official business. my life. i am currently taking improv classes with second city. who are they? do your wikipedia and we'll come back to that. well then that leaves the reason. a few months ago, prompted by a variety of events (none tragic), i began to seriously consider what i was doing with my life. thoughts of where'd i been, what will i do next, etc. i considered that i had been writing most of my life, in some form or fashion. i knew that a regular job would be ok but not completely fulfilling. in the lou, i had taken some improv and comedy sketch writing classes. i stumbled upon the second city website and realized that in less than 3 months they were hosting their next round of classes. it has been a "secret" dream of mine to be a member of such an established company. so i intended to save up the funds and follow a dream.

now, as any person over the age of birth will tell you, life does not always work out as planned. i had a bad habit of telling people my plans and not following through. and when reminded of said failed plans, it would pang twice. once, for not supporting my own plan through deeds. twice, for being reminded. so, as i will gladly tell anyone who asks, i decided to conduct an experiment on myself. i do this often to find what works, what i like, what my tolerance is.... i felt that if i didn't tell anyone, till i was near my goal, that maybe it would work.

so here comes the beginning of october and i have half the monies raised. when i originally thought of the plan, i didn't completely think about the hows. i just KNEW that i was gonna make it out there for these classes. it was my intention.

(que music)...and then the most amazing thing happened. i started telling people of my plans. i even was told it was "the word on the street" (shrug). but after spreading the word to friends and family of my plans and situation, EVERYONE chipped in to fulfill what was lacking - in funds, lodging, resources, etc. i am admittedly a prideful man. i aim to be completely self sufficient but i needed help....and i got it. i went from an idea to lodging, enough monies, resources and relative contacts and blessings. i can say my peoples were sad to see me go (they said so) but without these same people, none of this would've been possible.

so if i haven't said it enough, thank you. seriously, whether in deed or spirit, it means ALOT to me to be supported and appreciated.

through the looking glass

i used to consider myself a private person. i grew up an only child for 9 years and it stuck with me. i enjoy doing things on the solo for many reasons. eventually, everyone has to deal with others and i did. and sometimes i regret it.

one of the main reasons i continue to enjoy solitude, to a degree, is because humans are funny. not ha ha funny, but wtf funny. for instance, i don't like/try not to tell my life story and history in detail bc it had been my experience that the same folks you tell in assured confidence can use this same information to make you feel/seem lees than you are. the interesting part is that it's usually the same individuals who scratch and claw to get these details or they too have a not-so-proud background. it's that moment where you think, " this is why i don't be tellin you shit in the first place." i really do fight the urge to say something hurtful in return because i know they wouldn't be able to handle it. see i know that people will always see you how they want despite your constant evolution. if you were a thief in the past, you'll be seen as a thief anytime something comes up missing. if you cheated, no one will ever believe you can have a successful relationship...etc

i am going to conduct an experiment to test out a theory. i won't tell you what it is because if you're reading this you may or may not be part of said test. what i will say is this, i will report back my findings soon as i have enough data....and some folks are gonna be pissed...at themselves.

2:52am.....

i hope that whomever reads this will pardon my state of mind. i am currently landing the plane. in other words, coming down from an alcohol and music based high. there are quite a few thoughts running through my head and i might not sound coherent. so thank you for bearing with me.

i'm at that point again. boredom. but not necessarily in the technical sense. for instance, work is beginning to feel like work. it's similar to when the relationship exits the honeymoon phase and begins to get real.(Next on the Real World....)No worries though, I'll be speaking to my folks tomorrow morning, fer shizzle.

i'm at that point again. i think i'm ready to open myself to being in a committed relationship. but here's the catch...(bc for the women i've dated, unfortunately, there's always a catch. shouldn't be, but it was. My apologies, i didn't realize it until hindsight)I want something new yet familiar. (WTF!?!?!?) i know, i know. See, i'm normally a patient man. but like everyone else, i don't want to spend the time to learn a woman...only to learn we're not compatible. this time, i'm speaking of, can last from months to years. Thanks to the universe, i've been in easy breezy relationships as i grew to know her. this has spoiled me. i despise fights and heated disagreements. so i want easy...bc not only is it possible but its better this way. but there is no guarantee that this will happen with the next woman.

i'm at that point where putting on the face and being nice to muhfuggas who don't REALLY give a shit about you is worn. i somehow forgot that self "preservation" is the first law...and that co-workers will do what's in their best interest even while smiling in your face and appearing to be cool/in your corner. (You big dummy.)

I'm at that point where drugs don't help me anymore.

i'm at that point where things are getting old and i can currently see no new. i'm changing...yet i feel people around me expect the same.

i'm at that point where i need to go within but i can't find the key to the Master lock.

i'm at that point again where i'm gonna cuss somebody clean thee fuck out...and i'm not gonna feel bad about it.

i'm at that point again where i'm molting....and it feels good.

I Cain't Call It

I want a new drug
One that won't make me sick
One that won't make me crash my car
Or make me feel three feet thick - "I Want A New Drug" Huey Lewis and The News

This morning, I woke up
Feeling brand new and I jumped up
Feeling my highs, and my lows
In my soul, and my goals
Just to stop smokin, and stop drinkin
And I've been thinkin - I've got my reasons
Just to get (by), just to get (by)
Just to get (by), just to get (by) - "Get By" Talib Kweli

Ok, so Huey was referring more to how this Love thing makes him feel and Talib was speaking more about the actual addiction but I find them appealing in explaining how I feel. As of lately, the things that used to make me feel good or get me by just don't anymore -like they did. It's not really about getting higher or drunker in the literal sense but just....
"Greasing the grind" is a term I use to describe the process of finding the balance of your life and work. If "the daily grind" is the workweek then you're gonna need something to either make that grind less an actual grind or find something to make it seem worthwhile. And such, the things you do in your free time is your grease: whatever helps you to get back to the desk on Monday feeling that you have a life beyond work and responsibilities.
Now, I find that lately my grease is not as effective as it once was. Maybe I need a better grade. Maybe I need a better viscosity. Maybe I have the wrong kind. Either way, this ain't cuttin it. Please don't get me wrong, I live a great life to which if I told you certain stories you wouldn't believe me. I love my life. It's that those things that would help get me over the hump aren't as effective. Here's an example. I love to dance. This is no Step It Up 78 or even Nia Peeples Party Machine...the music moves me and I move. This is a ritual based in exorcising the negative energies we keep stored in us....and music appreciation. Where you use the vibrations in the music and energies from the people to literally work out the kinks. Even this does not always help and it was formerly a certainty. Watering holes aren't the same. Social events don't scrape at it. Sigh.
Of course there are those who will say you need to find some spiritual grease: meditation or reading some "scriptures" (quotes on purpose) or church, etc. I'm willing to try that. I have in the past...and I certainly believe in the balance. All I know is I'm willing and able to try new, positive things. Because if this grease runs out, the cogs and the ghost in the machine won't like it.