rearview

Pardon me, I had to get this out of my head. Apologies if it doesn't read as fluid.
To paraphrase someone, "It's hard to steal home if you keep looking back at third."
I once lived a life of 'thought before action' and found myself thinking when I should've been feeling. Then I decided to go with flow of life...living in each moment. I then found myself ill prepared for the future. I had given no thought to the step after next.
I wanted to live a life true to myself in every minute; a life of no regrets. Then I tried living life with others in mind. I found myself in regret in both cases.
I say all of that for this. My life is transitioning in a very tangible way-much of which I've asked for. Some of which is, in my opinion, a testament to my faith. Times like these cause me to become even more reflective than usual. The problem I see most often is my inability to accept my mistakes. Prior to the past few years, I wouldn't have given a single solitary fuck. But lately, I find myself more emotionally involved in my life and decisions (contrary to popular belief and appearances). And it has been quite difficult forgiving myself for hurting others, losing jobs, disappointing supporters, etc. These times usually creep when I should be looking forward. But somehow I'm all in my rear view mirror checking on what was passed. When I should be peering through a windshield at the road ahead. I realize the past provides perspective but what will it take for me to get past my past?