asterisk

i once had a friend whom i named asterisk. actually it was more a physical motion denoting the asterisk. she earned this name due to many times in conversation she cited herself the exception when i would make a point about people, women, black folks, educated people, etc. well, long story short, i ruined our relationship...twice. to this day she doesn't speak to me and i find no blame or problem in that. however, there are some things she needs to know...rather i have some things to say that i never told her.
the main reason i gave her the name is bc despite my attempts to not fall in love with my friend, i did. she became "the exception". i love my friends, but we had developed a bond over time and i found myself emotionally receptive. i tried fighting it through avoidance and denial but despite my mind and words, my actions showed opposite. i chose to end our relationship mostly bc i was afraid to be honest about how i truly felt. instead of holding ground and stating my feelings, i ran.
i miss her often due to the pages of insides jokes that arise when i'm going about my day or traveling through the city. i know that she may never forgive me. i have resigned that i may never speak to her again. i just had to get these thoughts, literally, off my chest.