I have much on my mind these days and I'm having difficulty articulating the thoughts without sounding like I'm rambling. So to spare you the Mobius Strip of my mental journey...I'll leave you with this work. I wrote it awhile back.
Times like right now
It’s times like the very beginning of this poem
When I miss you near
I need to smell that space behind your right ear
I need your body within mine
My chest against your spine
Cold booty…warm crotch
Fall asleep on the couch
Its times like this line in the poem
When your crooked smile reminds me that every mile covered
is worth it…
security gates, long waits in line
red eye, sets too small, babies crying…
its worth it all
I need you closer,
So there is no delay.
When I make my way to the kitchen
and come back…
it’s funny how this room is gonna look in the morning
how do I know?
Its times like this line in the poem when I miss studying you
I actually enjoy homework (now)
Two words…new definition..
Like home training..
You have already met my mama
Been through all the drama already.
All ready?
Already to the line in the poem where I think that
I have stopped thinking about it…
And now feeling it..
Transcribing the simultaneous fleeting,
Beating like my heart when you’ve had your ( fill in the blank)
And I’m working on first.
Again the thirst is quenched
by sweat…glowing, drenched or otherwise wiser now
since this line reminds me we have things to do
as of yet…
do not forget your passport
stamped in all the right places
sun drenched faces in photos
“remember the time we snuck down…”
just grin…keep it inside
I can see it through your eyes
Bright as a Mensa member
We gon take a whole September and instead of watching leaves
fall, we’re going to touch ‘em all
corners and rounded
monuments and mountains
man….
It’s times like this line where I’d rather be interrupted
derailing my train of thought…
“yes, you can model what you just bought.”
No pardon, if I get caught staring
You be wearing it, on and off
Like the lights…I can’t decide
Only if you end up be-side
Because the a-side is scratched and played too much
Plus you like turning it over…
Anyway…any day you say….
Don’t wanna have to schedule off…for va-ca
I just wanna take it and take you
And I’ll keep taking whatever your giving
So I can put this pen down.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Thursday, May 5, 2011
In the beginning....
So i was going to post about hip hop and how certain songs changed my life...but in my boredom and fine tuned nap taking abilities, i was reminded that i have ALWAYS been a dj, audiophile and music lover. lemme take you back to the late 70's. (true 80's babies represent). a young lad was given an object that unbeknownst to him would change his life forever. (insert movie trailer voice and echo effect)
yes yes y'all. The Fisher Price Music Box Record Player. this joint was awesome. it came with several records. you could move the arm to/from the record. it wound in the front. there was a spot in the top of the player for you to store the lps. and it was PORTABLE. (cue echo again)
(props to the other bloggers and folks for taking these pics)
so here i am, bumping to the classics as a sound selector. and i would even try to scratch the records. this essentially was me moving the records faster or slower to see what it sounded like... now of course through travel and wear and tear this bad boy had given us service and had to be retired, plus i was much older. so eventually, i had to cop this..
most heads i know and talk to, can totally share stories of owning this beauty. the first plate i put on was Rufus featuring Chaka Khan, straight out of mom's collection. i played a few records from time to time. i have a He-Man storybook that came with a record you could play and read along to. i miss those types of books. as a matter of fact, i still have the player.
with the advent of music videos and such, times were a changing. and lo and behold again, i was blessed with probably one of my favorite possessions:
this magnificent device obviously gave me the control of cassettes and the power to record myself being goofy but most importantly... you could launch it down a flight of stairs and not blink. this durable summbich was built for me. it knew that wherever we were going, it had to be ready for it. this led to me collecting cassettes. anything i could get my hands on. which of course all leads to this...
my baby. at the time for me, if there was a device that made me feel cool, this was it. water resistant, auto reverse (no taking it out to flip it over?!?!?!?!), again - durable. (there's another theme here, lol) this device allowed me to hear the Chili Peppers in 89 (see Sexy Mexican Maid and Pretty Little Ditty), Living Colour, and Songs From the Big Chair. i played Shout until it actually wore out the tape. Enjoy the Silence, also. side note: i miss maxi singles and all that remix gloriousness.
this led to a series of bigger and better....actually, smaller and better players until cds started doing their thing. i share all of that to say this, music has and will always be more than just music to me. it has played a part in my life that is difficult to wrap up in just a few sentences. it's why i'm a music snob bc i have heard some of the best of what vibrations have to offer and will not allow bullshit to just be glossed over and accepted as music. what i didn't realize is how my parents, Fisher Price and technology have made me the man i am today. and before i could get into what music has influenced me...i had to remember how it came to be to me.
yes yes y'all. The Fisher Price Music Box Record Player. this joint was awesome. it came with several records. you could move the arm to/from the record. it wound in the front. there was a spot in the top of the player for you to store the lps. and it was PORTABLE. (cue echo again)
(props to the other bloggers and folks for taking these pics)
so here i am, bumping to the classics as a sound selector. and i would even try to scratch the records. this essentially was me moving the records faster or slower to see what it sounded like... now of course through travel and wear and tear this bad boy had given us service and had to be retired, plus i was much older. so eventually, i had to cop this..
most heads i know and talk to, can totally share stories of owning this beauty. the first plate i put on was Rufus featuring Chaka Khan, straight out of mom's collection. i played a few records from time to time. i have a He-Man storybook that came with a record you could play and read along to. i miss those types of books. as a matter of fact, i still have the player.
with the advent of music videos and such, times were a changing. and lo and behold again, i was blessed with probably one of my favorite possessions:
this magnificent device obviously gave me the control of cassettes and the power to record myself being goofy but most importantly... you could launch it down a flight of stairs and not blink. this durable summbich was built for me. it knew that wherever we were going, it had to be ready for it. this led to me collecting cassettes. anything i could get my hands on. which of course all leads to this...
my baby. at the time for me, if there was a device that made me feel cool, this was it. water resistant, auto reverse (no taking it out to flip it over?!?!?!?!), again - durable. (there's another theme here, lol) this device allowed me to hear the Chili Peppers in 89 (see Sexy Mexican Maid and Pretty Little Ditty), Living Colour, and Songs From the Big Chair. i played Shout until it actually wore out the tape. Enjoy the Silence, also. side note: i miss maxi singles and all that remix gloriousness.
this led to a series of bigger and better....actually, smaller and better players until cds started doing their thing. i share all of that to say this, music has and will always be more than just music to me. it has played a part in my life that is difficult to wrap up in just a few sentences. it's why i'm a music snob bc i have heard some of the best of what vibrations have to offer and will not allow bullshit to just be glossed over and accepted as music. what i didn't realize is how my parents, Fisher Price and technology have made me the man i am today. and before i could get into what music has influenced me...i had to remember how it came to be to me.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Men don't talk
I consider myself lucky to have really good men as friends. I mention it because there is a rumor that men don't talk. I have, on a regular basis, in depth conversations about life and its complications. We just watched a movie "Diary of a Tired Black Man". Obviously, it was shot by a black man. What was refreshing was to see perspectives that I have experienced and witnessed first hand. What struck me about the film was the main character's moment of clarity where he realized that he had a part to play in his unsuccessful relationship. It's easy to blame the other person when things don't work out. But personal accountability is the key...admitting and acknowledging that there is a problem is the first step to getting what it is you exactly want.
There's something to be said about having positive voices and attitudes to help you along the way. Also, to have in the flesh examples of progressive and forward thinking people that you can mirror and reflect upon is invaluable. But just as important is to have an honest base too. These men will tell me the things I need to hear....not the things I want to hear. Offering stories of success as well as failure to give me the view from all sides of the fence...so as to make an "educated" decision.
To the universe and the brothers of 310, I am eternally grateful and humbled, thankful and appreciative. God-Allah-Yahweh-Jehovah.....Universe, thank you.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
slightly before sunrise
Its in these moments...
The comfort of you.
The comfortable view.
Your limbs across my frame.
Your breath and snore in my ear.
My hands in your hair.
Your smile and voice before drift.
Lakeside pillows.
Nourishment and comfort.
Finally, rest.
The comfort of you.
The comfortable view.
Your limbs across my frame.
Your breath and snore in my ear.
My hands in your hair.
Your smile and voice before drift.
Lakeside pillows.
Nourishment and comfort.
Finally, rest.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
rearview
Pardon me, I had to get this out of my head. Apologies if it doesn't read as fluid.
To paraphrase someone, "It's hard to steal home if you keep looking back at third."
I once lived a life of 'thought before action' and found myself thinking when I should've been feeling. Then I decided to go with flow of life...living in each moment. I then found myself ill prepared for the future. I had given no thought to the step after next.
I wanted to live a life true to myself in every minute; a life of no regrets. Then I tried living life with others in mind. I found myself in regret in both cases.
I say all of that for this. My life is transitioning in a very tangible way-much of which I've asked for. Some of which is, in my opinion, a testament to my faith. Times like these cause me to become even more reflective than usual. The problem I see most often is my inability to accept my mistakes. Prior to the past few years, I wouldn't have given a single solitary fuck. But lately, I find myself more emotionally involved in my life and decisions (contrary to popular belief and appearances). And it has been quite difficult forgiving myself for hurting others, losing jobs, disappointing supporters, etc. These times usually creep when I should be looking forward. But somehow I'm all in my rear view mirror checking on what was passed. When I should be peering through a windshield at the road ahead. I realize the past provides perspective but what will it take for me to get past my past?
To paraphrase someone, "It's hard to steal home if you keep looking back at third."
I once lived a life of 'thought before action' and found myself thinking when I should've been feeling. Then I decided to go with flow of life...living in each moment. I then found myself ill prepared for the future. I had given no thought to the step after next.
I wanted to live a life true to myself in every minute; a life of no regrets. Then I tried living life with others in mind. I found myself in regret in both cases.
I say all of that for this. My life is transitioning in a very tangible way-much of which I've asked for. Some of which is, in my opinion, a testament to my faith. Times like these cause me to become even more reflective than usual. The problem I see most often is my inability to accept my mistakes. Prior to the past few years, I wouldn't have given a single solitary fuck. But lately, I find myself more emotionally involved in my life and decisions (contrary to popular belief and appearances). And it has been quite difficult forgiving myself for hurting others, losing jobs, disappointing supporters, etc. These times usually creep when I should be looking forward. But somehow I'm all in my rear view mirror checking on what was passed. When I should be peering through a windshield at the road ahead. I realize the past provides perspective but what will it take for me to get past my past?
Monday, February 21, 2011
end of the map
i have been presented with an opportunity to go/move/proceed in a different direction. i have set a plan for myself mostly from faith. what i mean is that i don't have all the pieces and i have no plan b. i simply know that i made a promise and refuse to disappoint myself. so i must forge ahead. this is by far my biggest goal. knowing that i can do anything i put my mind to...let's go.
we are at the end of the map. it is time to chart a new direction. this path has been charted for those who ever decide to come this way. it is imperative to change directions...there is no more forward here.
we are at the end of the map. it is time to chart a new direction. this path has been charted for those who ever decide to come this way. it is imperative to change directions...there is no more forward here.
Monday, February 14, 2011
i tithe in sweat.
i recently went out dancing as i do and again was befuddled, again, by the human experience. anyone who knows me, knows that i enjoy dancing. i'm not that "step up"-Fatima-choreographer type man who will spin around and do tricks like its some music video. i just move as the music moves me..or however i catch the leg/foot cramps. what is always amazing to me is the levels of progression from empty dance floor (see just me dancing alone in a space) to packed and sweaty.
dancing is a way for me to exorcise my issues. all of the energies i felt throughout the week/the daily grind/setbacks/etc are conjured and released as i move around the floor. also, i open myself to the vibrations. certain bpms and bass lines compel me to move. i see it in the crowd and their faces when the night begins. people either don't want to be the first and don't wanna be the last on the floor. but if everybody thinks this way, when will they get up? i see chairs grinding, heads swaying and even those who happen to be standing are starting to feel it....but no one is making their way to the floor. then there is the "i don't know that song so....." so what?!?!? doesn't EVERY song actually start that way. once you hear it enough times and become familiar with it then whats the excuse? no one to dance with. AND?!?!?
i dunno. i come out to party. i'm not here to be seen/recognized/get pics taken. i try not to show up fashionably late b/c by the time you get a beverage and make your way to a good glow...the party is over. i also dance as a way of gratitude to the djs/sound selectors. just as in a concert, they feed off the energies of the crowd. you give, they give. so now here we are, a packed floor. those who chose all night to get warmed up to get their 'groove on' have no place to go. i say don't fight it. just go with it. go grease your grind. thanks for listening.
dancing is a way for me to exorcise my issues. all of the energies i felt throughout the week/the daily grind/setbacks/etc are conjured and released as i move around the floor. also, i open myself to the vibrations. certain bpms and bass lines compel me to move. i see it in the crowd and their faces when the night begins. people either don't want to be the first and don't wanna be the last on the floor. but if everybody thinks this way, when will they get up? i see chairs grinding, heads swaying and even those who happen to be standing are starting to feel it....but no one is making their way to the floor. then there is the "i don't know that song so....." so what?!?!? doesn't EVERY song actually start that way. once you hear it enough times and become familiar with it then whats the excuse? no one to dance with. AND?!?!?
i dunno. i come out to party. i'm not here to be seen/recognized/get pics taken. i try not to show up fashionably late b/c by the time you get a beverage and make your way to a good glow...the party is over. i also dance as a way of gratitude to the djs/sound selectors. just as in a concert, they feed off the energies of the crowd. you give, they give. so now here we are, a packed floor. those who chose all night to get warmed up to get their 'groove on' have no place to go. i say don't fight it. just go with it. go grease your grind. thanks for listening.
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