I Cain't Call It

I want a new drug
One that won't make me sick
One that won't make me crash my car
Or make me feel three feet thick - "I Want A New Drug" Huey Lewis and The News

This morning, I woke up
Feeling brand new and I jumped up
Feeling my highs, and my lows
In my soul, and my goals
Just to stop smokin, and stop drinkin
And I've been thinkin - I've got my reasons
Just to get (by), just to get (by)
Just to get (by), just to get (by) - "Get By" Talib Kweli

Ok, so Huey was referring more to how this Love thing makes him feel and Talib was speaking more about the actual addiction but I find them appealing in explaining how I feel. As of lately, the things that used to make me feel good or get me by just don't anymore -like they did. It's not really about getting higher or drunker in the literal sense but just....
"Greasing the grind" is a term I use to describe the process of finding the balance of your life and work. If "the daily grind" is the workweek then you're gonna need something to either make that grind less an actual grind or find something to make it seem worthwhile. And such, the things you do in your free time is your grease: whatever helps you to get back to the desk on Monday feeling that you have a life beyond work and responsibilities.
Now, I find that lately my grease is not as effective as it once was. Maybe I need a better grade. Maybe I need a better viscosity. Maybe I have the wrong kind. Either way, this ain't cuttin it. Please don't get me wrong, I live a great life to which if I told you certain stories you wouldn't believe me. I love my life. It's that those things that would help get me over the hump aren't as effective. Here's an example. I love to dance. This is no Step It Up 78 or even Nia Peeples Party Machine...the music moves me and I move. This is a ritual based in exorcising the negative energies we keep stored in us....and music appreciation. Where you use the vibrations in the music and energies from the people to literally work out the kinks. Even this does not always help and it was formerly a certainty. Watering holes aren't the same. Social events don't scrape at it. Sigh.
Of course there are those who will say you need to find some spiritual grease: meditation or reading some "scriptures" (quotes on purpose) or church, etc. I'm willing to try that. I have in the past...and I certainly believe in the balance. All I know is I'm willing and able to try new, positive things. Because if this grease runs out, the cogs and the ghost in the machine won't like it.