i have been presented with an opportunity to go/move/proceed in a different direction. i have set a plan for myself mostly from faith. what i mean is that i don't have all the pieces and i have no plan b. i simply know that i made a promise and refuse to disappoint myself. so i must forge ahead. this is by far my biggest goal. knowing that i can do anything i put my mind to...let's go.
we are at the end of the map. it is time to chart a new direction. this path has been charted for those who ever decide to come this way. it is imperative to change directions...there is no more forward here.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
i tithe in sweat.
i recently went out dancing as i do and again was befuddled, again, by the human experience. anyone who knows me, knows that i enjoy dancing. i'm not that "step up"-Fatima-choreographer type man who will spin around and do tricks like its some music video. i just move as the music moves me..or however i catch the leg/foot cramps. what is always amazing to me is the levels of progression from empty dance floor (see just me dancing alone in a space) to packed and sweaty.
dancing is a way for me to exorcise my issues. all of the energies i felt throughout the week/the daily grind/setbacks/etc are conjured and released as i move around the floor. also, i open myself to the vibrations. certain bpms and bass lines compel me to move. i see it in the crowd and their faces when the night begins. people either don't want to be the first and don't wanna be the last on the floor. but if everybody thinks this way, when will they get up? i see chairs grinding, heads swaying and even those who happen to be standing are starting to feel it....but no one is making their way to the floor. then there is the "i don't know that song so....." so what?!?!? doesn't EVERY song actually start that way. once you hear it enough times and become familiar with it then whats the excuse? no one to dance with. AND?!?!?
i dunno. i come out to party. i'm not here to be seen/recognized/get pics taken. i try not to show up fashionably late b/c by the time you get a beverage and make your way to a good glow...the party is over. i also dance as a way of gratitude to the djs/sound selectors. just as in a concert, they feed off the energies of the crowd. you give, they give. so now here we are, a packed floor. those who chose all night to get warmed up to get their 'groove on' have no place to go. i say don't fight it. just go with it. go grease your grind. thanks for listening.
dancing is a way for me to exorcise my issues. all of the energies i felt throughout the week/the daily grind/setbacks/etc are conjured and released as i move around the floor. also, i open myself to the vibrations. certain bpms and bass lines compel me to move. i see it in the crowd and their faces when the night begins. people either don't want to be the first and don't wanna be the last on the floor. but if everybody thinks this way, when will they get up? i see chairs grinding, heads swaying and even those who happen to be standing are starting to feel it....but no one is making their way to the floor. then there is the "i don't know that song so....." so what?!?!? doesn't EVERY song actually start that way. once you hear it enough times and become familiar with it then whats the excuse? no one to dance with. AND?!?!?
i dunno. i come out to party. i'm not here to be seen/recognized/get pics taken. i try not to show up fashionably late b/c by the time you get a beverage and make your way to a good glow...the party is over. i also dance as a way of gratitude to the djs/sound selectors. just as in a concert, they feed off the energies of the crowd. you give, they give. so now here we are, a packed floor. those who chose all night to get warmed up to get their 'groove on' have no place to go. i say don't fight it. just go with it. go grease your grind. thanks for listening.
Friday, February 11, 2011
asterisk
i once had a friend whom i named asterisk. actually it was more a physical motion denoting the asterisk. she earned this name due to many times in conversation she cited herself the exception when i would make a point about people, women, black folks, educated people, etc. well, long story short, i ruined our relationship...twice. to this day she doesn't speak to me and i find no blame or problem in that. however, there are some things she needs to know...rather i have some things to say that i never told her.
the main reason i gave her the name is bc despite my attempts to not fall in love with my friend, i did. she became "the exception". i love my friends, but we had developed a bond over time and i found myself emotionally receptive. i tried fighting it through avoidance and denial but despite my mind and words, my actions showed opposite. i chose to end our relationship mostly bc i was afraid to be honest about how i truly felt. instead of holding ground and stating my feelings, i ran.
i miss her often due to the pages of insides jokes that arise when i'm going about my day or traveling through the city. i know that she may never forgive me. i have resigned that i may never speak to her again. i just had to get these thoughts, literally, off my chest.
the main reason i gave her the name is bc despite my attempts to not fall in love with my friend, i did. she became "the exception". i love my friends, but we had developed a bond over time and i found myself emotionally receptive. i tried fighting it through avoidance and denial but despite my mind and words, my actions showed opposite. i chose to end our relationship mostly bc i was afraid to be honest about how i truly felt. instead of holding ground and stating my feelings, i ran.
i miss her often due to the pages of insides jokes that arise when i'm going about my day or traveling through the city. i know that she may never forgive me. i have resigned that i may never speak to her again. i just had to get these thoughts, literally, off my chest.
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